I winced as another rock hit my skin.
I feel like it left a mark
So I check, but find none.
They didn’t use to hurt so much,
They were smaller, too.
At first, they were pebbles
And I could easily shake ’em off
But now they’ve gotten bigger and faster
They demand my attention.
And one day, I fear
They will be so big
That Death will be there to take me
When I open my eyes, again.

Flash forward a little,
Not much has changed.
I’m still getting hit.
But now, they seem smaller,
Or maybe I’m too numb.
Perhaps my nerves are frozen,
Or my brain just isn’t working.
I don’t recognize how I feel,
Or who I am.
It’s so confusing.
I’m lost, again.
On an endless loop with no end in sight.
I barely remember what it was like before
The memories were long buried in snow.
I wish I could uncover them.
Bring them back and savor ’em.
But they’re never the same,
And my mind keeps writing over them.
What a waste,
There is never anything new.
It’s the same as last week
Last month.
Last year.
This endless loop just won’t disappear.

Sometimes I wonder,
Why am I fighting?
What’s the purpose?
Where’s the end?
I can’t see the benefit.
An endless loop is all I see.
An endless loop that traps me.
There’s no escaping it,
Doesn’t matter where I go.
It follows me everywhere,
Maybe I’m just slow.
What’s the purpose of this show?
I forgot, but maybe you know.
Will it end?
Will the ending be great?
I don’t know anymore,
Nor do I seem to care.
I don’t feel much,
Besides anger and fear.
Oh, let’s not forget loneliness,
He seems like the star this year.
Maybe that’s why the rocks don’t hurt me.
It’s hard to feel much
When you’re broke and alone.
Then again, maybe that’s the name of this show.

Photo by Yassine Ait Tahit on Unsplash